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January 28, 2005
Happy Birthday Sarah
Sarah Barker is one of my best friends. She was in our wedding, we used to live together at the Crosses, and now we get together once a week to check in and see how each other is doing. I'm so thankful for her! We had a little birthday party for her this past Sunday and we gave her this cool candle lantern. The best thing about Sarah's friendship is we can laugh, talk, cry, or be absolutely insane together, basically comfortable. She's in the process of applying to grad schools and when she leaves to study I will feel a great void in my life. But she plans on coming back, and I'm keeping her to that plan. I'm going to miss her so much!
(Be sure to roll your mouse over the picture or you'll miss one of the great reasons for this post. Oh yeah, and if you are interested in getting a very cool candle lantern for yourself we found them at Target. Some of them were huge!)
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January 26, 2005
gmail anyone?
I have a gmail account and have 6 invitations avaible if anyone out there would like an account. Let me know...
Posted by michellew at 07:10 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
busy talker
Caleb is changing so much. He's mister busy into everything these days. He used to be content to stand in my lap and look around, but no longer. Whatever he sees he wants to put in his mouth or grab. So he's never still. Its fun to see his little personality emerging. It seems more and more that he may favor me instead of Bob in that regard. Two days ago he started talking. Of course not saying words, but all those baby syllables. And he did it all day long! Its like he's discovered a new toy, and needs to keep playing with it over and over. What fun! I'm sure there will be days when I'm ready for him to stop talking, but for now, its fun.
I've been having a lot of good health days, which I'm so thankful for. It seems like ever since I started praying more regularly for healing God has been reminding me of how sick I used to be, and how much he has already healed me. The other day I actually cleaned! Now this may not be a big deal to some, but to me, it's huge. For so long I haven't had the energy to clean around here. If I did do it, I'd have to sleep the rest of the day away. But its not like that anymore. I do need to take it easy the next day (yesterday I was kind of wiped out), feeling sore and more tired, but at least I was able to do it. Its the small victories that I need to take joy in.
When Caleb was born I was given a Christmas cactus with cool rocks in the pot and everything. I really like it. I'm notoriously horrible to plants and so I was thankful to be given such a hardy plant. Well the other day I found a bloom on it! I've never had any of my plants bloom before (most likely due to neglect in watering). I was so excited that I took this picture to the left. Yesterday it was in full bloom looking really cool. I was also feeling thankful that it wasn't pink, my mom had a pink one, but mine is red. I'm a much bigger fan of red. 
Anyway, so last night I went to get something off of the shelf it sits on and it crash to the floor. I had noticed earlier that day it was leaning a little but didn't do anything about it. I think I'm just not meant to be a house plant person. Here's my crush plant, it was everywhere, but looks kind of cute in that broken pot.
Posted by michellew at 10:38 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
January 19, 2005
Break in the Cup
I am a big fan of David Wilcox's music but hadn't listened to it for such a long time until this past weekend when Bob put his Big Horizon cd in for a listen. Having time away from his music helped me to listen more closely this time and once again his songs started hitting deeply.
The one below in particular is so challenging to me. Too often I really want Bob to be my everything. He's a wonderful man and husband whom I love very much. Yet he's not my savior and he can't fill me the way I too often want him to. I can be so demanding of his time and energy and this song was what I needed to remind me that I'm broken and as much as Bob can try to fill me, he'll never be able to. Instead I have to run to Jesus, the spring of living water, to fill me. Jeremiah 2:13 says "My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water." This sin is really at the core of all of our sins, rejecting God and trying to do it ourselves. But we can't, we're broken and need to run to Jesus to fill us every day, otherwise it all just runs out. So read the lyrics below, or even better listen to the song. I know it will challenge you.
Break in the Cup
by David Wilcox
I try so hard to please you
To be the love that fills you up
I try to pour on sweet affection,
But I think you got a broken cup.
Because you can't believe I love you
I try to tell you that there is no doubt,
But as soon as I fill you with all I've got
That little break will let it run right out.
I cannot make you happy.
I'm learning love and money never do
But I can pour myself out 'til I'm empty
Trying to be just who you'd want me to.
But I cannot make you happy
Even though our love is true
For there's a break in the cup that holds love
Inside of you.
Now I begin to understand you
As you explain this fear you feel.
It's when you see me fall into that sorrow
it makes you doubt the love is real.
'Cause the lonely wind still blows through me
I turn away so can't see
But now how could I still be so empty
With all the love that you pour on me.
I guess you cannot make me happy
That's a money back guarantee.
But you can pour yourself out 'til you're empty
Trying to be just who I'd want you to be.
You cannot make me happy
It's just the law of gravity
And that break in the cup that holds love,
Inside of me.
So if you're tempted to rescue me
Drowning in this quicksand up to my neck
Before you grab my hand to save me
Why don't you ask me if I'm finished yet.
Because you cannot make me happy
Not when I'm empty inside of me
But you can pull yourself right in here with me
My misery'd love to have your company.
We cannot trade empty for empty
We must go to the waterfall
For there's a break in the cup that holds love,
A break in the cup that holds love,
A break in the cup that holds love,
Inside us all. Inside us all.
Posted by michellew at 10:09 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
January 13, 2005
Nerdy diapering
Oh yeah and I've been meaning to tell you all about a diapering experience the other night. Bob and I have different ways of changing Caleb's diaper. Basically I think its a male/female thing. He takes the diaper off, then wipes, then gets the new diaper out while casually talking to Caleb. Well I was watching him do this the other night and suggested that he'd probably get peed on because he was waiting too long to put the new diaper on. He replied "I haven't gotten peed on since my birthday!" And with impeccable timing Caleb proceeded to soak Bob's jeans, I couldn't stop laughing!
The reason I say its a male/female thing is because I get out the new diaper first, open the tags and have it at the ready. Bob just kind of goes with what's in front of him at the moment, but I have the need to plan ahead to prevent sprayage. I've noticed men and women drive this way too. Men tend to deal with the cars right around them and women tend to look a mile up and start preparing what lane to be in, if they should break, etc etc. Maybe this is why many women are control freaks having the desperate need to plan all that will or might happen. I know these are sweeping generalizations, but I still think its true. (or at least true for us, yes I'm a control freak)
Posted by michellew at 10:39 PM | Comments (14) | TrackBack
January 12, 2005
Chinese Mullet
Bob and I both graduated from Covenant and soon after we were married and headed down to St. Elmo. Our first abode as a married couple was living in the upstairs apartment of Jeff and Heather Cross's house (aka Crommune, at the time). We had good times with the Crosses, babysitting every now and then and once in a while playing games.
We now live on Beulah and its a wonderful place to live as well, mostly because we have great neighbors across the street, The Petersons, and we love our house. Well last week I was sitting with Sara on her porch and Jeff and Teddy Cross came up on their bikes. We exchanged a few greetings as I was thinking to myself how fun it is to live in a place where we run into each other in the neighborhood. Then it struck me that something was different about Jeff but I couldn't quite figure it out (he had his helmet on). Well it didn't take long to realize he shaved his head! He's not cut it (except for trimming) in ten years. But this cut is quite a unique one as you see below. Its straight out of Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, kind of a Chinese Mullet if you will. I think by now he's shaved the rest, but thought some of you in blogland might enjoy a before and after picture.
Posted by michellew at 04:02 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
January 11, 2005
Happy 5 Months Caleb
Today Caleb is 5 months old. Everyone told me that time would fly by with a new little baby and they were right. Its amazing all he does differently now that he didn't even do last month. He's constantly rolling over to his back at nap times, then getting frustrated because he can't figure out how to get back on his tummy. He started solids, though I still haven't introduced other foods besides cereal. I'm wanting to make my own baby food and got a list of tips from a friend and also got a book at McKays on making your own baby food. It has great ideas!
Caleb is also playing so much more with his toys and always grabbing at our faces. He loves grabbing my lip and refusing to let go, ouch! He's also gotten into his jumper that hangs in the doorway. He screeches with delight when I put him in it. Some of his current favorite toys are his teething bead ring, baby mirror, jumper, play gym and of course still loves his bouncer.
He seems to have been teething for the past month or so with no teeth showing until today! He has a little white bump on his lower gums and it looks like its about to come through. It is so strange to think about him actually having teeth. I've gotten so used to just gums, it may take some getting used to.
I'm sure there are other new things he's doing, but those are the ones that come to mind. We just love him so much and are so thankful for God's gift to us in Caleb. I've definitely had trying moments (like last week) but the good moments outshine those frustrating ones. Though I know, like my love for Bob, my love for Caleb needs to keep growing as I learn to sacrifice myself for him.
Posted by michellew at 11:32 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Top 10 myths of disaster relief
I have a friend who works for the Chalmers Center and Food for the Hungry in the Dominican Republic. She recently sent out an email to her supporters which included the top 10 myths of disaster relief. Basically collecting food and blankets when a disaster happens is not always the most effective, nor is sending a team of people with no disaster relief experience. I thought this list so very helpful, hopefully you will too.
Top 10 myths of disaster relief--December 29, 2004
As they fight to save lives in the wake of the Asia disaster, aid workers also must address myths about disaster relief among the American public. Rich Moseanko, a relief director for World Vision, the Christian relief and development organization, explains the truth behind the top 10 myths of disaster relief.
1. Americans can help by collecting blankets, shoes and clothing. The cost of shipping these items – let alone the time it takes to sort, pack and ship them – is prohibitive. Often, those items are manufactured for export to the U.S. from these same countries. It is far more efficient to purchase them locally. Cash is the better solution.
2. Helping the living always has priority over burying the dead. In refugee camps and epidemic situations where people die of diseases,it is essential to dispose of the bodies within a short period of time. If they died of other causes such as drowning, they are less of a health risk but pose an impediment to relief efforts and delay the mourning process.
3. The United States must airlift food and medicines to the disaster site. Food is virtually always available within a day's drive of the disaster site. Purchasing the food locally is more cost-efficient, and it ensures that the food is appropriate to local residents' tastes and religious requirements. Medicines are often available within the country, too. India, for example, has a large pharmaceutical industry. Because medicines are high-value, low-weight commodities, in some cases they can and must be airlifted in to save lives.
4. If I send cash, my help won't get there. Reputable agencies send 80 percent or more of cash donations to the disaster site; the rest goes for administration, operating expenses and monitoring the efficiency of their own operations. Donors have a right and a responsibility to ask aid groups how they will be using those donations, and what will be done with donations raised in excess of the need.
5. Once someone survives the immediate disaster, he or she is safe. The immediate catastrophe kills quickly; survivors can face a slower death from hunger, disease and even criminal predators. While emergency medical teams certainly are needed for people injured in a disaster, the best way to keep survivors healthy is to provide clean water and adequate sanitation. Cholera and dysentery can result from drinking contaminated water; malaria-spreading mosquitoes breed in standing water.
6. Developing countries depend on foreign expertise. While specialized assistance is always welcome, most relief and recovery efforts are accomplished by local aid groups, police, firefighters and neighbors before international teams arrive. Also, in recent years most governments have established disaster preparedness plans.
7. Relief needs are so intense that almost anyone can fly to the scene to offer help. Professionals with specialized skills and overseas disaster experience are often deployed to disaster sites. Volunteers without those skills can do more harm than good, and siphon off critical logistics and translations services. Hiring qualified disaster survivors is much more cost efficient and provides much needed employment.
8. Survivors feel lucky to be alive. Shock, trauma and the mourning for loved ones who died are common among disaster survivors. Often, they wish it was they who died instead of their loved ones. Treating these emotional needs is an
essential component of relief efforts.
9. Insurance and governments can cover losses. The vast majority of the world's population has never heard of an insurance policy, let alone are able to purchase one. Further, governments of poor countries can barely meet ongoing social service needs, let alone provide a safety net like FEMA. Disaster survivors must bear these costs alone.
10. People are helpless in the face of natural disasters. The United States is proof that tougher building codes, early warning and disaster preparedness can save lives. Even in poor countries, communities are taking steps to mitigate the loss of life in future emergencies.
I also find it interesting that I would get this email the same day that I got an email from Covenant, discussing the PCA's part in the relief effort. Some of the things are good according to the myth list, like sending experienced relief workers, others cause questions, like the list of supplies needed in Sri Lanka. Not sure how to reconcile this. Though maybe that list is completely valid and one that this specific area really needs and can't get? Here's the link to see the PCA's efforts. I guess I'm left not knowing what to think. Maybe the best action to take is to donate considering the list of myths above?
Posted by michellew at 09:36 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 10, 2005
The out of doors
There is just something about getting outside that helps me with perspective on life. Breathing in fresh air, looking up at the sky, watching Katie run around thinking she's the biggest dog on the block, it's all so refreshing. I took Caleb out on a blanket in the backyard with Katie this afternoon and had a great time. Part of why I like being outside is that the duties of a house aren't all around me and there is a lot to distract my mind from struggles. Not that its only an escape. Its truly a joy.
It seems like Caleb is fond of being outside too. He can be crying and fussy, but if I step out on the porch, he stops and looks all around, taking it all in. He's done this since he was tiny. He really gets a kick out of watching Katie run around and bark at the people and dogs walking by.
I've also been going on walks again in an effort to help my pain. And it works! Before getting on the meds I'm on whenever I would exercise I would be more tired and in much more pain (for days sometimes). Hence the reason I walked out of many a doctors office when the suggestion for my pain was "just exercise a little, lift some weights (yeah stinkin' right!), go on a walk, then you'll feel better." It is true that exercise makes most people feel better, but for fibros it mostly stirs up the "bad stuff" in our muscles and causes pain and fatigue. All that to say, with the protocol I'm doing when I exercise it gets stirred up, but now my body is able to dispose of the "bad stuff" so I do feel better, as long as I don't over do it.
I had gotten pretty lazy about walking since Caleb was born. At first I was just too exhausted to do anything. Then I was too selfish with my sleep, wanting to stay in bed as long as possible. Well Bob and I are trying to start afresh and wake up earlier so he can have more time with Caleb and I can go on walks. Of course it helps that the weather is so nice, we'll see how I'm doing when its in the 30s in the mornings again. Yikes I don't look forward to that.
So next time you read this and I'm in some kind of funk, tell me to get outside for a while!
Posted by michellew at 03:43 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
January 07, 2005
Siempre Mire Arriba
I realize that I never explained my blog name. Its Spanish for "always look up." When Bob and I were first dating we would take a lot of walks on the trails behind Covenant. I loved how the trees looked from underneath when the wind was blowing, it was such a peaceful thing. We were going to be apart for the summer, I in Peru, and Bob working as a gardener in a mansion behind Covenant. The long driveway to the mansion had huge beautiful trees and it was walking down that drive one day with Bob that I thought of making "look up" our phrase. It may sound cheesy to you, but we thought it was great at the time, and still do. It was meant to be a reminder for us to always look to God in every situation. Since we loved being outside so much together, we were always being reminded. I still think of that phrase and its meaning now and then. Only a few days before Caleb was born we went to Chester Frost to relax and have a picnic. Laying on the blanket looking up at the trees, wondering when Caleb would arrive (I actually started labor that night), I was reminded again to look to Jesus. Now I wish everytime I blogged it had the same effect, but in any case, I hope this blog helps me to think more about what God has done and is doing in my life and in the lives of those around me.
Posted by michellew at 03:34 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
January 06, 2005
Good Buddies
We weren't sure when Caleb arrived how Katie would take it. And if you read Bob's blog you already know they get along great. Well lately they've been having a lot of fun together. Its so fun to watch Caleb's face just light up when Katie is around. All she has to do is sit there and he looks at her and chuckles or squeals with delight. The feeling is mutual on Katie's part especially after meal time because inevitably there's some cereal left on his hands. So we're having fun watching them. I love that Caleb will get to grow up with her. 
Posted by michellew at 09:27 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
January 04, 2005
Scarred for Life?
Its days like these when I'm glad that my baby really won't be scarred for life because of my impatience with pain. I'm frustrated with my daily pain. I got a Christmas letter from Dan and Kat Haase and at the bottom of it she quoted from C.S. Lewis' book The Problem of Pain. "The human spirit will not even begin to try to surrender self-will as long as all seems to be well with it...but pain insists upon being attended to." My pain is definitely insisting these days. I guess I'm just sick of it! Am I allowed to say that? I know this is a part of living in a fallen world, but I'm ready for this part of my falleness to be sanctified! I've gone through different phases the last couple of years. Anywhere from feeling depressed about it, to really seeing the good that God brings through it. I think its when I've been out on my own more and not daily surrendering to Jesus that I get down about it. I get my eyes focused only on myself and my limitations; instead of on God, who can truly do all things through me when I run to him. My heart feels stubborn though, really wanting to be able to fix myself, but that just doesn't happen, ever.
God has taught me a lot through having this disease and I know he has a lot more to teach me. Another quote Kat had in her letter from the same book was, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to our conscience, but shouts in our pain: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world." God has definitely used my disease to open my ears to listen to what he wants to teach me. When I was in college I really wanted to work and couldn't see being a stay at home mom. It wasn't my desire. But when I was working at Esperanza and bearly able to keep my eyes open because of fatigue, I went home. It was such a huge adjustment for me to be home. But over that year God grew the desire in me to be home full time and have kids. That's only one of the good things he's done through my pain. And I'm so thankful for what he's given me in Caleb and Bob, I can't imagine life without them.
Often God brings things into our lives that we haven't planned on. I know Bob probably didn't plan on having a fibro-ridden wife and in turn having to work for us, take care of the house, cook, and help so much with Caleb. But thankfully these are all things he assures me that he loves to do for us. (with exception of doing the dishes at times) But I think its when we have the unplanned brought into our lives when we are most out of control and most willing (or desperate) to run to God for help. Because practically speaking there's nothing left. There are many days out of a week when I just come to my end. What my heart needs to remember is what its been forgetting lately, to just run to Jesus.
I hate my disease and the daily implications of it. God never promised me an easy pain free life. But he does promise to be with me, and I really need to focus on that on days like these. So hopefully Caleb isn't scarred for life because of my limitations, though I feel like I am. But maybe healing will come some day, that would indeed be a miracle.
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